Pie-throwing: violence or hilarity? Apparently it depends who it’s against. Part 1.

I’ve got as good a sense of humor as the next guy.  Just ask my wife whose eyes are now permanently fixed looking up at the ceiling, having rolled them at my genius remarks so many times.  Remember your momma telling you if you keep making that face it’ll get stuck like that forever? It’s true!  But speaking of things your momma taught you…

Violently lunging at Rupert Murdoch, a tiny 80-year-old man, in an ostensibly secure, serious, government-controlled hearing, which up until that moment seemed a quiet and sober place is… actually just not the slightest bit funny in any way, shape or form.  Or as some liberals may recall it better, “No Johnny!… I mean not unless it makes you feel smarter.”

And no, it’s also not “intellectual.”  And no, liberals, mine is not a political or “ideological” or humorless judgement, as some of my critics will jump at the chance to opine, with all-knowing forefinger in full wag.  It’s just a sort of grown-up viewpoint.

Officially  —  at least in the country where my computer is plugged-in at the moment  —  it’s a criminal offense to do that.   It’s assault.  Now admittedly, it’s not always met with harsh penalties in a court of law, such as the time it happened to a (Canadian) Liberal Party cabinet minister some years ago (possibly begging the question).  The attackers in that case were arrested, then in a court of law, handed suspended sentences of six months plus 50 hours of community service.  That’s plenty serious in my books, but perhaps not for those useless idiots (or is that “useful idiots”?) who advocate this sort of thing.  I mean what else have they got to do  — besides plan their next asinine attack?  Mommy does their laundry, no doubt.  In jail the state would do it for them.  So like, whatever.

Smith and Wolfe -- geniuses who threw a pie at our Ann Coulter years ago, charged with criminal offenses.

On the other periphery of things, some may claim this sort of thing is really a form of terrorism.  That’s certainly the goal of these idiots  —  a form of terrorism  —  although the means and the results are rather effete compared to how we’ve come to know the term (thus, perhaps, terrorism “lite” to go with their vegan diets).  Indeed one American group which has established itself as an official pie-attack group has nicknamed itself “Al-Pieda.”  That’s hilarious huh? Oh the eponymous fun we have with actual murderous Islamofascist terrorists the ignorance of which resulted in the death of thousands of innocent Americans. Good times.

They’re actually the same hilarious group of academic intellectuals —  maybe even the “founders” of that group  —  which attempted to pie (our columnist) Ann Coulter years ago during a speech on an Arizona university campus (but, as Ann Coulter explained, they almost entirely missed her because… “Fortunately for me, liberals not only argue like liberals, they also throw like girls.”)

Phillip Edgar Smith, a University of Arizona political science major (he being a university student is possibly a startling fact to some, but I’m utterly unfazed, knowing first hand what they teach in university, especially in poli-sci classes), and William Zachary Wolff were charged with criminal damage, a felony, and misdemeanor counts of disorderly conduct, vandalism, and assault without injury in that case.  Charges were later rather strangely dropped (but don’t worry, it had nothing to do with Ann Coulter being a conservative).  But still later, after it was seen to be just a little TOO strange, the charges were re-filed, and the two pleaded guilty, were convicted of misdemeanor assault, given suspended fines, and were told to pay restitution to the university for damages, after as part of a plea deal, the criminal charges were dropped.  And don’t worry, I have no doubt the fines were paid by their mommies, so the two could continue to invest their savings in no-load mutual funds and solid American stocks and bonds to further their well thought-out plans for their futures.

But as in the case of the slight 80-year-old man, these asses chose as their ever-so worthy opponent a “110-pound female in a skirt and heels” as Coulter described herself. (Don’t kid yourself  —  I have little doubt she’d plant a well-placed stiletto heel upon their tiny scrotal areas before they could say “yes we can!” if they weren’t already tackled by some solid conservative football players in the audience.)  Didn’t the mommies of these geniuses ever teach them to pick on somebody their own size?  Actually I take that back.  I’m pretty sure they taught their little darlings nothing of the sort.  The exact opposite is what’s more likely, and mommy possibly even added “whatever makes you feel good… and the most “empowered.”  Liberals know this better as “social justice.”

It’s hard to argue with Coulter’s conclusion in her 2005 column about the incident (barely) affecting her:

…these Rhodes scholar geniuses with a taste for “fact-driven debate” can’t even achieve the level of argument practiced by the average juvenile delinquent. They’re still stuck at the intellectual level of 2-year-olds in high chairs throwing food.

Just so.  But at least one was going to a state university studying political science mostly at taxpayer expense… so if not now then soon, he’ll probably be running for Congress.  I’ll let you guess which party.

In the meantime, Ann Coulter travels around with a body guard now, as do many conservative media personalities.  And as not one liberal does.


Please see the next installment  —  Part 2  — 

Should also see Media Mogul Charged with First Degree Murdoch  — Ann Coulter’s July 20 2011 column, which is related.

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